By Maricruz Villalobos
Thank you for being here for our very first Behind the lyrics, where I ask artists to break down their songwriting process, and share their inspirations behind the song.
For this special episode I reached out to Rachel Bochner, a 24 year old songwriter from New York. Starting her songs on a piano she builds her lyrics and melodies around a concept or idea. Before the release of “Pretty When U Cry'' on the 19th Rachel posted a video to TikTok inviting fans to send her selfies of them crying. Sure enough Rachel received nearly 1400 selfies! She then compiled them into several videos and released them as “crying sessions” onto her instagram. To help us dive into the world that is “Pretty when U Cry” I invited Rachel to give us insight into her lyrics.
Been a week now since we went out
And the mess is still on the floor
Know that face oh, take your makeup off
What do you have the walls up for?
In that part, we were kind of trying to paint this picture of, you show up at your friend's apartment you're kind of coming to check on them and you walk in and you're like, oh, no, this is not good. The place is a mess. They're probably laying in bed watching Netflix with a pint of ice cream or something and you say, Okay, I see what's happening. It's kind of just basically that acknowledgement of I know when something's wrong, even if you don't tell me
I see it when you close your eyes
And push the trouble out your mind
So don't tell me that you're fine
You can try and say that it's not a big deal. But I know you better than you know yourself maybe and it's okay, that you're not doing well right now.
You say there's something in the water that's been getting to you
You say some pills are hard to swallow
It's how it is so what's the use
Try to hide but I know you
I think it's time someone told you
The excuses or justifications of why it's okay to push your emotions down. They try to divert the attention away from them, because they don't want to talk about it or they just feel like they can't talk about it for whatever reason. I mean, I'm definitely guilty of this too, when someone's like, "How are you? What's going on?" and maybe everything is not okay. If you feel like you don't want to be a burden, or you are invalidating your own feelings. You kind of find ways to be like, "It is what it is, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." The end of that section is like, you can try to hide how you're feeling but I know you well. Which leads into the chorus, which is
That you're so pretty when you cry
Pretty when you cry
We really liked that phrase, because on one hand there's obviously beauty in vulnerability and it can be scary. It's not necessarily always going to be a good feeling.I don't know if you've been to therapy, but that first therapy session where you have to unload all of the stuff. It doesn't always feel good in the moment, but once you kind of get past that point of reliving whatever you've been through, you come out on the other end and you're like, "Okay, I feel like I've let something go. Like a weight has been lifted."
I personally don't think that I look that cute when I'm crying especially when it's been a CRY like she's swollen. Makeup is everywhere. Like my lips double in size, which honestly is not necessarily a bad thing. Like they're looking PLUMP, but it's like cry! I feel like people always want to hide when they cry. They're like, " Ew! Don't look at me!"
As I've been working on the song and also with the videos that I've been doing on Tik Tok with people sending in their crying selfies something about being with someone while they're crying or seeing someone else cry, I guess like... I feel like they do look beautiful. They're expressing their emotions and it's been so interesting to see how openly people have been sharing these pictures with me of themselves crying. Every single time I post a video, there's a bunch of comments that are like, "Why is everyone so pretty when they cry?" Maybe it's just something that we can't see in ourselves, we can see it with other people.. But that's been a lot of fun. I think it's just hilarious to me how 1400 people on the internet also take pictures of themselves when they're crying.
It's a cycle that will waterfall
Trust me, I've been there before
But the truth is lying to yourself will only ever hurt you more
If you don't want to talk, then fine
I'll stick around you through the silence
like the way you sit with mine
Basically, the second verse is trying to express that, at least for me, I can relate to trying to brush it off and not burden my friends with whatever I'm going through. But at the end of the day, pushing it down and not using the support system around you is not going to benefit you. As cheesy as the saying, "That's what friends are for" is, like it really is, and so there's the line, if you don't want to talk, then fine, I'll stick around you through the silence, like the way you sit with mine. It's okay, if you don't want to talk at this moment. I'm not going to force you to spill your guts, but I'm going to be here with you.
I'm going to let you feel whatever you're feeling and even if that's just us sitting in silence. I would rather do that than let you experience that alone. So and then it goes back into the pre chorus and the chorus which goes from like, you don't have to lie like you don't have to just say that this is, it is what it is. And it's just what you have to deal with. Stop pushing down and trying to say it's okay. You're so pretty when you cry, and I'm going to be there for you.
I'm with you at the floodgates
No matter how long it takes
Or if the water starts to rise.
No, you don't have to fake it
Sober or when you're wasted
I'm always in it for the ride
I don't care how ugly it gets, it doesn't really matter. If you're sobbing in my arms or not I'm going to stick with you through it all. It's kind of just a promise really, to the best friends in my life. I know that they're going to be there for me through it all and I want them to know I'm going to do the same for them. Kind of like Ride or Die Energy.
Listen to the episode down below!
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