By Khang Nguyen
“Yuck. Disgusting.” I can already anticipate your first reaction to this topic.
“Classical music? You mean, the kind of stuff that we had to learn in school because art class was full and this was our second or third choice?” And I get it. It’s hard to appreciate music when you’re being forced to in school. We’re kinda conditioned to believe that anything educational has to be boring. But classical music isn't just educational! Think about any song that you like and why you like it. I bet that people have liked classical music for the exact same reason that you just thought about. That's because it can be as funny, interesting, or dope as any other music genre.
Our first stop is Le Carnaval des Animaux by Camille Saint-Saëns. That’s “The Carnival of the Animals” for the English speakers in the crowd. This fourteen-movement suite is themed after different animals, from lions to fish to birds. Two of my favorite movements are “The Cuckoo in the Woods” and “Pianists.”
The former is played by two instruments: a clarinet and a piano. In other words, a cuckoo … and the woods. This shitty little bird breaks through the beautiful ambience of the woods with its incessant two note refrain, and I am here for it. Eugene Kim’s version adds an extra layer of depth by having him and his clarinet dominate the screen and deliver unprocessed, unprofessional notes compared to the piano accompaniment. It brings out the contrast between the two elements of the piece.
The latter movement is in part funny due to the implication made by its title; in a suite full of creatures from across the animal kingdom, a certain kind of person is considered an animal by Saint-Saëns. It’s like putting crypto bros inside of a zoo exhibit. On top of this, the original score instructs the two pianists to deliberately play the piece incorrectly, mimicking amateur musicians by being out of tune and out of time. Kateryna Yerheiiva’s interpretation also has her spend overlong to adjust her seat, wipe sweat off of her hands and forehead, pay no attention to the conductor, and exaggerate her movements in relation to her playing. Her performance of this movement makes the idea of the pianist as an animal seem more convincing. Why would pianists do this if they weren’t different from us?
Okay, maybe you don’t get much enjoyment from audible gags. What about narrative ones? Ludwig van Beethoven is a very popular classical composer, as is Bagatelle No. 25 in A minor a very popular classical piece. You might’ve heard of it. Does Für Elise ring a bell? That’s Bagatelle No. 25 in A Minor’s nickname. Well, there’s an interesting story behind this well-known piece. It wasn’t published until 40 years after Beethoven’s death, and as we’ll soon come to find, there may be a good reason for this. Of the three people that the composer might’ve dedicated this piece to, Therese Malfatti seems to be the most probable one. This is because Therese was a beginner pianist and someone that Beethoven was in love with (as is evident by letter correspondences between the two). Although the title “Für Elise” might seem to contradict this, the discoverer of the piece may have simply misread the composer’s sloppy handwriting.
Beethoven wrote the dedication on April 27, 1810, which is the same year he proposed to Therese. However, she turned him down and instead married Sir Wilhelm von Droßdik, an Austrian statesman, in 1816. At this time, Beethoven was still in the process of writing Für Elise. In April or May of 1810, he wrote to her,
“Now fare you well, respected Therese. I wish you all the good and beautiful things of this life. Bear me in memory—no one can wish you a brighter, happier life than I—even should it be that you care not at all for your devoted servant and friend, Beethoven.”
Notably, “you” is a more formal and respectful term of address than “thee” at this point in time. The diction of “devoted servant” is interesting, too. Let’s put a pin in that. The finished product also reflects this rejection somewhat; it begins with a fairly easy melody that is suitable for a beginning pianist like Therese, but it abruptly increases in difficulty starting with the second ending of the A section and into measure 30, where the pianist is assaulted by a barrage of 32nd notes. It seems almost as if the piece was initially intended to be challenging but still light and fun before being written to be nearly impossible for someone like Therese.
So we’ve assembled all our pieces. Let’s put them together.
Ludwig Van Beethoven, aged 40, is in love with Therese Malfatti, aged 18. The language he uses when talking to her is reminiscent of modern day simps, and Therese is rightfully grossed out by this because the man is the same age as her dad. She does the only thing a rational person in this situation would do and rejects him with no ambiguity. To add fuel to the fire, Therese’s sister Anna (who Beethoven lovingly calls Nanette, and is likely his second option if his odds with Therese crap out) also gets married to someone else the next year. Beethoven doesn’t take kindly to this. He stomps into his room, slams the door, and through snivels and teary eyes scribbles all over the love note that he painstakingly made for Therese. “This’ll show her!” he thinks. After this, he goes to bed and drowns out his angst with rock music. He doesn’t truly fall asleep until typing out an entire Twitlonger and then erasing it. Perhaps days or months later, our boyfailure becomes so embarrassed by his cringy, emo reaction that he hides the manuscript in the most private place he can think of, in hopes that no one will see it.
Then, someone saw it. And they made it the most popular classical piece in the world.
Alright, alright, none of this means you should listen to it, right? Yeah, maybe the music can be funny, and the reasons for why it was made can be interesting. But that doesn’t mean you want to listen to it. To convince you of that, I’m going to need to show you some of my personal favorites when it comes to classical music.
Dragon Quest VIII is a game for the PlayStation 2. Its overworld theme, Strange World, is a major bop. Have you ever hiked up a mountain with dense foliage on the way up, only to arrive at a cliffside that overlooks a landscape of rolling hills that extend far beyond the horizon? And there’s, like, a waterfall ending in a pond right near where you are, and a gentle breeze that kicks up as you’re taking all of this in? Well, this song gives you that exact emotion. It accentuates the grandiosity and the splendor that already exists within the game while also being intensely pleasant to listen to for hours on end.
Personally, I found it impossible to play Dragon Quest VIII on silent because of this song specifically. Strange World also makes an appearance in Dragon Quest XI, and I promise you haven’t lived until you rode a horse to this tune in the game. It’s a very horse-rideable song.
The very last song I want to introduce to you is Roar, on the Deserted Land by ICE and gaQdan. It’s a level in the rhythm game, Cytus, and is a part of an album that derives from one of the most difficult levels in the game (and coincidentally, the album itself is largely considered the most difficult one in the game!). This song has a special place in my heart, and I hold so much love for it. I love its cello solo after having played the cello for seven years. I love the rhythm map that it makes, which is incredibly fun to play. I love its role in the album’s overarching narrative. And I love the way it tickles the classical music loving part of my brain like a melted stick of butter on a tray of Hawaiian rolls.
Dear reader, I admit that it is possible that classical music may not be as special to you as it is to me. But I hope that with this article, I can show you the myriad ways in which people have come to enjoy it. I hope that I have dismantled the notion that classical music is listened to only by people who suck super hard. From its stories to its musicality, this genre is oozing with love and craft and creativity. It’s not much different from any other music genre, and I bet that if you give it an honest try, you might find something about it that excites you as strongly as anything else.
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